“D’Brickashaw Ferguson, University of Virginia.”, “Hingle McCringleberry, Penn State University.”, “Ozamataz Buckshank, Stanford University.”, “We had to do something,” says Keegan-Michael Key in Season 2, Episode 2. Marshawn Lynch aka Beast Mode prefers to let his play do his talking. Carter—affect their job prospects? Their East/West College Bowl introduction parodies have introduced us to college superstars like Hingle McCringleberry, Jackmerius Tacktheratrix and the player fomerly known as Mousecop. . Anyone else think Gross-Matos sounds like a Pokemon? That’s his real name. Jack is a senior hailing from New York majoring in public relations. Well if you did, you would probably name him Skeeter Nichols. Now, De-Nice.”. I couldn’t have been more jealous. Good thing wins and losses mean absolutely nothing for this list. She had to drive him around. “De-Nice?” Mr. Garvey asks. As Penn State football enters yet another season sporting their traditional nameless uniforms, we decided to take at some of the best names throughout Nittany Lion history. He couldn’t even drive yet! In the pouring rain, Rhinos quarterback Eqqsquisitine Buble-Schwinslow (Key) takes the snap and begins a seven-step drop, his eyes on the end zone when the linebacker breaks through the line and drives his head to the ground in an explosion of fireworks. ), Will these players’ Afrocentric names—Tyroil “Smoochie” Wallace, D’Isiah T. Billings-Clyde, LaCarpetron Dookmariot, or Shakiraquan T.G.I.F. Ham’s menacing presence on the field, combined with a name that just oozes hard-nose football, made him a lock for this list. That’s like three different nouns in your son’s first name. “Are Emily and Greg More Employable Than Lakisha and Jamal?”, In “Substitute Teacher”—Key & Peele’s most popular skit, with seventy million views—Mr. College and professional sports are usually fertile ground for player names that border on the bizarre. He now likes to answer every question with the same stock phrases, including “Yeah . My buddy Bish won our school’s QB job in 10th grade, started a couple of games and (more important) started dating a smoking-hot redhead from the class ahead of us. https://247sports.com/Player/GaQuincy-McKinstry-46052990/. We all want better things for our children, nicer homes, better schools, and brighter teeth. So it’s hard for me to comprehend that this dynamic is shifting as much as we think. If you account for eligible juniors, this figure would be even lower. Vyto just seems like the name of an angry bulldog to me, and after researching his playstyle, I think the name fits. Ranked dead last in the league in both offense in defense, an all-Penn State Madden team was nothing to write home about. Rose is still called Rose, even though she looks and smells more sweet. Just yesterday, Junior Seau was elected to the NFL Hall of Fame in his first year of eligibility. Another study, however, found that fictional resumés with Afrocentric names receive one-quarter the rate of call-backs to identical resumés with European-sounding names. Come on now. Just threw letters in a bucket and (pretends to shake it up).”. Of the 96 characters in the East-West Bowl series (10 real and 86 fictitious), one stands alone: DaHistorius LaMystorius, the Mystery of History. We look closer at their football sketches in the first of this two part series. I’m here so I won’t get fined.”, In Key & Peele’s Super Bowl Special, all Lynch (Peele) has to say is “biscuits and gravy.”. Both were All-NYC point guards and won scholarships to FAMU and UVA, respectively. Two-syllable names stay hot. Imagine being a defensive back lined up across from a guy who’s named rolls off the tongue like that. He is now a pro-bowl tackle for the New York Jets, as well as the inspiration for Key & Peele’s “East-West College Bowl” name introductions. How have these three former Nittany Lions cemented their legacies as Penn State Football legends? In 2015, when Ohio State beat Oregon 42-20, fans paid an average of $690 a ticket. “Eqqsquisitine, you need to let the medics look at you.”. Of all the Key & Peele football skits, “Quarterback Concussion” is the least humorous. The rest are not so lucky. It does not represent the views of Eleven Warriors unless otherwise noted. We’re still wondering how Cleveland let such a great name slip to the second round when its first selection was some generically named running back, Jim Brown. ... Key & Peele Are Back With More Hilarious Football Player Introductions.